Cast In Order Of Appearance:

Announcer
Reporter
Chianina

SFX: opening Time For Cows theme music

ANNOUNCER

Cows from Italy in Queens, New York? Today we are talking to the Chianina.

SFX: moo

REPORTER

Wow! This is great - seeing a Chianina at the Festival of Virgil here in Queens.

CHIANINA

Well, of course I’m here. Virgil wrote The Georgics well before he wrote The Aeneid, that national epic poem about Rome and the glory of the Empire back in 20 BC or so.

REPORTER

And what are The Georgics?

CHIANINA

A collection of poems which taught about the art of husbandry. And husbandry, which as you well know, is the practice of cultivating the land and raising stock. Jeez – I thought everyone knew about The Georgics and husbandry.

REPORTER

Yeah, well, you wish the average pedestrian knew a bit more about where his food came from. But you’ll have to forgive them for not reading poems in Latin on the subject. And this, of course, is where you come in.

CHIANINA

Absolutely! Virgil loved the Chianina cattle. We are one of the oldest breeds in existence and we are what he saw as a young man on the farm back in northern Italy.

REPORTER

I can see why you inspired him. You are quite beautiful. You have short white or steel grey hair -

CHIANINA

– and we have black pigmented skin on our muzzle and the switch at the end of our tail is also black. We are quite stylish. During Virgil’s time we were used primarily as a draft animal so our muscular bodies and long legs also inspired the Roman sculptors.

REPORTER

And today? What brings you to Queens besides the festival?

CHIANINA

Ah, you know, the usual. Being large, with considerable length of leg – we have good action and heavy muscling. We are not hard to get along with, if you get my drift.

REPORTER

As long as I don’t crowd you?

CHIANINA

Yeah, as long as you don’t forget the respect we deserve as the bovine exalted by Virgil and the Romans. And the family we have since become. It’s all about family, as you may well know.

REPORTER

Ah yes, I know.

CHIANINA

Good. ‘Cause I’d hate for you to forget that here at the Festival of Virgil, that it’s the Chianina that makes all the rules.

REPORTER

You do.

CHIANINA

We do.

REPORTER

I won’t forget.

CHIANINA

Good. Enjoy your gelato. Carpe Lac Lactis!

REPORTER

What?

CHIANINA

Seize the milk!

SFX: moo
SFX: closing Time For Cows theme music

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