The Ankole
Ankole is a cattle group name – a group is defined as sharing similar characteristics that are not easily changed by their immediate environment and can therefore be found over a large area. Learn more about Ankole cattle.
Cast In Order Of Appearance:
Announcer
Reporter
Ankole
SFX: opening Time For Cows theme music
ANNOUNCER
Cows in Uganda? Today we are talking to the Ankole.
SFX: moo
REPORTER
Wow! Those are some of the biggest and fattest horns I’ve ever seen on a cow.
ANKOLE
Thank you.
REPORTER
Are you sure you’re a cow?
ANKOLE
What? Of course I’m a cow. I’m a Sanga cow, which is a cross between the Eqyptian Longhorn from the Nile Valley and the Longhorn Zebu from India and Pakistan.
REPORTER
But those horns! They’re. . . they’re enormous!
ANKOLE
They’re necessary.
REPORTER
For what? For goring other creatures?
ANKOLE
That’s one reason. But the main reason is that we developed in an African climate where daily temperatures range from 20 to 120 degrees fahrenheit. Our blood circulates through our horns and cools off before returning to our body.
REPORTER
So, essentially, you’re a walking horn radiator. Can I fry an egg on your horns?
ANKOLE
I think it would slip off, don’t you?
REPORTER
Yeah, they’re not really a good shape for a cooking surface. So hey! How about milk? Do you produce a lot of milk because of your horns?
ANKOLE
Because of my horns?
REPORTER
Yeah. To balance your body so you don’t fall over with too much weight on one end. Big horns on one end and a big udder on the other end.
ANKOLE
No.
REPORTER
No?
ANKOLE
No. We Ankole are not known for being big producers of milk.
REPORTER
Oh.
ANKOLE
We are prized as status symbols and used in certain rituals by different tribes in Eastern Africa. And, we have exceptional meat.
REPORTER
Really? Why? What makes it exceptional?
ANKOLE
It’s very lean and low in cholesterol. I’m told it’s quite tasty.
REPORTER
You don’t know?
ANKOLE
I’m a vegetarian.
REPORTER
You have a lot of different names too.
ANKOLE
Yes, Ankole, Watusi, Ankole-Watusi, Inkuku, Inyambo – it all depends on who is doing the naming.
REPORTER
But the names all have one meaning.
ANKOLE
Excuse me?
REPORTER
Monster Horns! Run everybody! Run! Monster Horns is here!
ANKOLE
Hey, where are you going?
SFX: moo
SFX: closing Time For Cows theme music
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