DRAMA: Radio Afters
The Literal Family: Chapter 3
We took everything literally, just like this family.
We took everything literally, just like this family.
Cast In Order Of Appearance:
Narrator
Ma
Pa
Gerund
Sissy
Everyone
NARRATOR
And now for a day in the life of the Literal Family with Ma and Pa Idiom and the twins – Sissy and Gerund.
SFX: Literal Family opening theme
GERUND
Give me some money.SISSY
No!
GERUND
Ma!
MA
What?
GERUND
Sissy won't give me some money.
MA
Now, Gerund, you know you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
GERUND
Oh, all right, here's ten dollars. Now you give me ten dollars.
SISSY
Okay.
MA
Anyway, I don't know why you two children are fussin' so much. You know money is the root of all evil.
GERUND
That's okay, Ma. We promise not to bury it.
SISSY
Look! Ma's a runnin' around like a crazy person.
MA
I got a bee in my bonnet. Fetch me a stick.
PA
That wouldn't keep happenin', Ma, if you didn't keep puttin' a feather in your cap.
MA
Oh, Pa. Don't get your undies in a bundle.
PA
Well, I wouldn't if you used more starch.
MA
There's no need to use starch. After I wash 'em they're as fresh as a daisy.
PA
No wonder they feel so funny.
SFX: crashing sound
GERUND
Ow! Ow! Ma!
MA
Now what's the trouble?
GERUND
Sissy's actin' stupid.
SISSY
I'm not actin'!
MA
Well then, that solves it, Gerund.
GERUND
Oh, all right.
SISSY
Ya see? It's a rule of thumb.
GERUND
Who's thumb?
SISSY
I don't know. Some important person, I guess.
MA
Pa? Can you cut me some slack?
PA
Sure can, Ma! Just step aside so'z I can get a good aim.
MA
Well, hurry up, honey. He who hesitates is lost.
PA
I know where I am, Ma. Just move over an inch or two.
GERUND
C'mon, Sissy. Pick up the pace.
SISSY
I will. Where'd you last put it?
GERUND
In the closet.
SFX: Literal Family opening theme
MA
Oh, Pa. Isn't it wonderful? Tomorrow we can hitch our wagon to a star.
PA
Really? NASA called back and gave us permission? We applied ages ago.
MA
Yes, honey. It's better late than never.
SFX: Literal Family closing theme
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