Cave Ornithologist
A reporter from the CCC — which provides Continuous Caveman Coverage — interviews an ornithologist.
The entire play of Ptime Flies Like A Pterodactyl: Script, Stage Directions and Props is available in both paperback and Kindle – Go HERE
Cast In Order Of Appearance:
Interviewer
Ornithologist
INTERVIEWER
Today we are talking with the Cave Clan’s resident ornithologist. What got you so interested in studying birds?
ORNITHOLOGIST
Fear.
INTERVIEWER
You’re afraid of them?
ORNITHOLOGIST
Oh yes, very much so. Razor sharp beaks to peck your eyes out, claws that can rip you to shreds. One can never be too wary of our feathered friends.
INTERVIEWER
But don’t you have to get close to any bird you’re studying?
ORNITHOLOGIST
Absolutely. However, I’ve discovered a guaranteed method for scaring them off if they look like they’re going to attack. It’s the call of the Ancient Trogon. Would you like me to demonstrate?
INTERVIEWER
Please do.
SFX: bird screech
ORNITHOLOGIST
Would you like me to do it again?
INTERVIEWER
Please don't! That was awful! How did you discover this call?
ORNITHOLOGIST
Ah, now that’s an excellent question. One day, I was following a flock of fancy flamingos on their daily trot through the bogs. When all of a sudden I heard this cry and WHOOSH! Up went the flamingos and every other bird in the bog. It was a madhouse. And all that was left was this tiny little puff of a creature, no bigger than my palm.
INTERVIEWER
And that was a Trogon?
ORNITHOLOGIST
Absolutely. I believe they are a direct descendent of the Giant Pterodactyl. But I’ve never been able to catch one, you see.
INTERVIEWER
Because they’re so fast?
ORNITHOLOGIST
Oh no, no, no, no! Because I’d probably go deaf in the process. They’re so LOUD!
SFX: bird screech
INTERVIEWER
Hey, hey, I get your point!
ORNITHOLOGIST
Sorry about that. I get a little carried away sometimes.
INTERVIEWER
Well, what are your favorite birds to study?
ORNITHOLOGIST
Uh, that would have to be the grebes and barbets. Oh, and let us not forget the Hooded Pitahui*. It’s poisonous, you know.
INTERVIEWER
Really?
ORNITHOLOGIST
Yes, yes, very poisonous. Just gave one to a friend the other day. We had a little fight, you see. So I thought I’d make amends with the gift of a Hooded Pitahui.
INTERVIEWER
And did your friend like it?
ORNITHOLOGIST
Yes, very much so. Right up until he began to stiffen and lose consciousness. Terribly sad. Terribly.
INTERVIEWER
So sorry to hear. This is King Fisher for the CCC – Continuous Caveman Coverage.
©1997-2014 Lishka DeVoss/Kranky Kids®
* NOTE: There really is a bird named the Hooded Pitahui. I kid you not.
* NOTE: grebes (pronounced greebs) - various swimming and diving birds
* NOTE: barbets (pronounced bahr-bihts) - various brightly colored tropical birds related to the toucan