Cave Nutritionist
A reporter from the CCC — which provides Continuous Caveman Coverage — interviews a nutritionist.
The entire play of Ptime Flies Like A Pterodactyl: Script, Stage Directions and Props is available in both paperback and Kindle – Go HERE
Cast In Order Of Appearance:
Interviewer
Nutritionist
SFX: opening theme
INTERVIEWER
Today we are talking to Spook Thump, a nutritionist for many of the area caves. Just how do you go about determining what we can eat?
NUTRITIONIST
I usually go up a tree or hang over a ledge and then drop the potential food on someone else’s head.
INTERVIEWER
You mean you hit things that you think are food on someone else’s head?
NUTRITIONIST
Of course, silly. How else can I be objective?
INTERVIEWER
I see. Yes, that does make sense, I suppose. What other methods do you use?
NUTRITIONIST
Well, many times I blow real hard on something to see if it will move, or fly away.
INTERVIEWER
Fly like a bird?
NUTRITIONIST
No, silly, like a spore or a seed because the next test is smelling. I don’t want to sniff something and have part of it go flying up my nose, you know.
INTERVIEWER
Yes, yes, perfectly understandable. When do you actually get around to eating it?
NUTRITIONIST
First I feed the so-called food to the Giant Armadillo.
INTERVIEWER
The Giant Armadillo?
NUTRITIONIST
Yes, the Giant Armadillo that I keep in my cave. He’s very good at eating things and then vomiting. That way I can check if the food digests well or not. You see, in the beginning of my career, I discovered many things that I thought we should be able to eat, but we can’t.
INTERVIEWER
Like what?
NUTRITIONIST
Well, like rocks, for instance. It didn’t matter if I stewed them, baked them, boiled them or marinated them before grilling – the Giant Armadillo threw them all up and not one rock was ever digested.
INTERVIEWER
How could you be sure?
NUTRITIONIST
Because not all the rocks came out of just one end of the Giant Armadillo.
INTERVIEWER
I see. Oh...OH! Anyway, what has been the most surprising discovery you’ve ever made?
NUTRITIONIST
Nuts.
INTERVIEWER
Excuse me? Nuts? What are nuts?
NUTRITIONIST
Nuts look and feel like little rocks but they have stuff inside that’s very tasty. Two weeks ago, a chef from the Nether Cave found some under a tree. Inside the cave he started throwing them against the cavewall for fun. Some of them broke open and some of them stuck. We call them ‘walnuts’.
SFX: closing theme
INTERVIEWER
That is fascinating. Thank you. This is Pookah Too for the CCC – Continuous Caveman Coverage.
©1997-2014 Lishka DeVoss/Kranky Kids®