Cast In Order Of Appearance:

Reporter
Director
Choir

SFX: opening Investigative Retorts theme

REPORTER

I understand you teach.

DIRECTOR

As a matter of fact, I do. I'm a vocal coach and a choir director.

REPORTER

And the method you are known for is a very unique method for singing.

DIRECTOR

Yes, that’s true. And my most famous students, especially the ones in pop and country western, use it. It’s a relaxation technique. You have to relax the tongue, something like this.

REPORTER

Like what?

DIRECTOR

Like this. You see, it is much easier to sing when you don’t have your tongue wagging about. All those consonants in our language just interfere with the smooth production of sound. All song sings on vowels, let me tell you.

REPORTER

I see you have your chorus primed and ready to start. Shall we have a demonstration performance?

DIRECTOR

By all means. One, two, three, four.

CHOIR

Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
life is but a dream.

DIRECTOR

Thank you. Thank you. Well, what did you think?

REPORTER

But, but, I couldn’t understand a word they were saying.

DIRECTOR

Sure you can. You just have to free up your mind, that’s all. Here, listen again. One, two, three, four.

CHOIR

Row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
life is but a dream.

DIRECTOR

Thank you. Thank you. You see? Did you understand better this time?

REPORTER

Yes, I guess so. This is Investigative Retorts reporting on the new trend of easing out the consonants in vocal music.

SFX: closing Investigative Retorts theme

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