DRAMA: Caterpillar Cop
A Zebra Is Missing
Wait! A Zebra Swallowtail Caterpillar is being lured away by some very suspicious characters and they're offering her pawpaw. What can Caterpillar Cop do about this?
Cast In Order Of Appearance:
Narrator
Black
(Black Swallowtail Butterfly - larva feeds on carrots, parsley and related plants)
Zebra
(Zebra Swallowtail Butterfly - larva feeds on pawpaw)
Spice
(Spicebush Swallowtail Butterfly - larva feeds on spicebush and sassafras)
Tiger
(Tiger Swallowtail Butterfly - larva feeds on various trees)
Caterpillar Cop
Everyone
Sidekick
Judge
Slug
NARRATOR
Caterpillar Cop, Chapter Two, A Zebra Is Missing.
BLACK
Come! Come and eat with us.
ZEBRA
No, no, I can't. It isn't the right food.
SPICE
Please. We worry about you.
TIGER
Psst. Hey you! Come over here. I've got something you might like.
ZEBRA
Are you sure? I mean, I can't even find it locally - HEY!
BLACK
Oh my gosh! Where did that Zebra Swallowtail Caterpillar go? Where, oh, where is the Zebra?
SFX: transition music
CATERPILLAR COP
When the larvae get loathsome and unlawful, who ya gonna call?
EVERYONE
Caterpillar Cop!
CATERPILLAR COP
Okay. Now, when was the last time you saw this Zebra Swallowtail Caterpillar?
BLACK
Well, we were all hanging out in front of the Papilionoidea* Pub.
CATERPILLAR COP
And then?
SPICE
Well, our friend was hungry and we were trying to get some food.
CATERPILLAR COP
So what was the problem?
BLACK
It wasn't easy to feed this caterpillar.
CATERPILLAR COP
And why is that?
SPICE
Well, all that was available were some carrots, parsley and various trees.
BLACK
Stuff we like to eat.
CATERPILLAR COP
And?
BLACK
And the only food that would suffice for her was pawpaw.
SFX: transition music
CATERPILLAR COP
Okay. This Caterpillar has been missing since last Tuesday. Any ideas as to what happened?
SIDEKICK
How should I know? She was with some friends and got hungry. The next thing they know, she's gone.
CATERPILLAR COP
Zebra Swallowtail Caterpillars basically eat a diet of pawpaw.
SIDEKICK
Yeah? So?
CATERPILLAR COP
So it's not that easy to find pawpaw at this time of year in New England.
SIDEKICK
You think someone deliberately led her astray with the promise of pawpaw?
CATERPILLAR COP
It's a possibility.
SFX: transition music
TIGER
C'mon, sweetie. I know you want it.
ZEBRA
No, no, I can't eat it like this. Please, please take it away.
TIGER
You'd rather starve?
ZEBRA
I - I -
TIGER
Listen, if you don't eat, you'll never metamorphosize, yeah, that big word, and you know the family expects you to.
ZEBRA
Please don't make me go through with this!
SFX: door slams
CATERPILLAR COP
Stop where you are!
TIGER
Who are you?
CATERPILLAR COP
Caterpillar Cop. I'm taking you in.
TIGER
What's the charge?
CATERPILLAR COP
Masquerading as a Metamorphosis Marauder.
SFX: transition music
SFX: gavel sounds twice
JUDGE
Order in the court. How pleads your client, Slug Caterpillar?
SLUG
Your Honor, my client is innocent of all charges.
JUDGE
So what's the evidence, Caterpillar Cop?
CATERPILLAR COP
Your Honor, we caught this Tiger Swallowtail Butterfly restraining this poor Zebra Swallowtail Caterpillar against her will.
SLUG
Your Honor, my client -
SFX: gavel sounds twice
JUDGE
Sit down, Slug Caterpillar. Tiger, is this true?
TIGER
Yes, your Honor. I was only trying to get her to eat.
CATERPILLAR COP
To eat? Wasn't that how you lured her into your trap? By waving pawpaw in her face?
JUDGE
What is pawpaw?
CATERPILLAR COP
It's a member of the custard apple family, your Honor, and the only member that grows outside the tropics.
SLUG
Your Honor, speaking of family -
JUDGE
Yes, Slug Caterpillar?
SLUG
The Zebra Swallowtail Caterpillar went with my client because they are in the same family. The grandmother is having a birthday soon and they were worried that their cousin here wouldn't be able to make the journey.
JUDGE
Is this true, Zebra?
ZEBRA
Yes, your Honor. I'll need wings to get there in time.
JUDGE
So why won't you metamorphosize?
ZEBRA
I can't help it. I'm a lazy larva and I know it. But I understand now how important it is that I make this change.
JUDGE
Spider Bailiffs? Take this lazy larva back to her family. Case dismissed.
SFX: gavel sounds twice
SFX: transition music
CATERPILLAR COP
Wow. I never saw a caterpillar tear through a pile of pawpaw so fast in my entire life.
SLUG
It's a good thing my clients brought it with them.
CATERPILLAR COP
Did they tell you why she was so reluctant to change?
SLUG
Oh, you know these young'uns. They don't like to miss out on anything. Said she was afraid she'd miss all the latest news in the chat rooms on the Spider Web.
SFX: theme music motive
CATERPILLAR COP
When the larvae get loathsome and unlawful, who ya gonna call?
EVERYONE (Slug comes in a little slower)
Caterpillar Cop!
SFX: bottom note of theme
* Papilionoidea – pronounced pah-PEE-lee-oh-noh-i-DEE-ah
Fact: Butterflies superfamily is Papilionoidea.
©2000-2023 Lishka DeVoss/Kranky Kids®