DRAMA: Caterpillar Cop
The Io Moth Dilemma
Do you know what happens when Io Moth Caterpillars get defensive? They secrete an irritating substance - which means Caterpillar Cop needs to solve this case right away!
Cast In Order Of Appearance:
Narrator
Loud
Insect
Everyone
Caterpillar Cop
Io Moth
Friend
Slug
Judge
SFX: Caterpillar Cop theme music
NARRATOR
Caterpillar Cop, Chapter One, The Io Moth Dilemma.
LOUD
Attention all insects! Attention all insects! There is an Io Moth Caterpillar on the loose. Attention all insects! An Io Moth Caterpillar is on the loose.
INSECT
Oh no! What can we do? Do you all know what happens when Io Moth Caterpillars get defensive?
EVERYONE
No!
INSECT
They secrete an irritating substance. This is horrible! We need some help!
SFX: transition music
CATERPILLAR COP
It is I, Caterpillar Cop. When the larvae get loathsome and unlawful, who ya gonna call?
EVERYONE
Caterpillar Cop!
CATERPILLAR COP
Right. Now, let’s go find this Io Moth Caterpillar.
SFX: transition music
IO MOTH
Ha, ha, ha. They'll never stop me before cocooning. Now who is this coming towards me with such well-developed thoracic legs?
CATERPILLAR COP
Excuse me, but you look a little lost.
IO MOTH
Oh, I’m not lost, honey. I’m lonely.
CATERPILLAR COP
Really? And why is that?
IO MOTH
Because of my sharp spines and my ability to really irritate due to secretions from my glands.
CATERPILLAR COP
Have you ever considered a bath?
IO MOTH
Look friend, I’ve already molted five times. What more do you want from me?
CATERPILLAR COP
To turn yourself in, of course.
IO MOTH
Why? Who are you?
CATERPILLAR COP
Caterpillar Cop.
IO MOTH
What’s the charge?
CATERPILLAR COP
Pupating in public.
SFX: transition music
IO MOTH
Thank goodness you’ve come.
FRIEND
I’m sorry. I would have been here sooner but the Wood Gnats were having a festival and the traffic was terrible.
IO MOTH
They have me segregated from the other prisoners because they’re afraid I might molt again. And the way I’m feeling, I just might.
FRIEND
Don’t worry. I’ve gotten you a good lawyer. He’s a Slug Caterpillar and you know how they can drag things out during trial if things aren’t going their way. The judges hate that.
IO MOTH
Why?
FRIEND
Usually, some of the spider bailiffs start eating each other.
IO MOTH
Can I afford this defense?
FRIEND
Don’t worry. We have a deal. If you lose your case, you don’t have to pay anything.
IO MOTH
And if I win?
FRIEND
What I’ve promised is something you won’t be needing anymore.
SFX: transition music
SLUG
Your Honor, this isn’t fair. My client didn’t have one strand of silk coming out of her spinnerets when she was picked up.
SFX: gavel sounds twice
JUDGE
Sit down, sit down. The Io Moth Caterpillar will have her say. I want to hear from Caterpillar Cop first.
CATERPILLAR COP
Thank you, your Honor. This caterpillar was threatening the general welfare of the community by brazenly leaving the silk factory with the intent to pupate in public.
JUDGE
Such activity would draw much attention from the humans and the factory would be in jeopardy of being found. What say you, Io?
SLUG
Your Honor, my client —
JUDGE
Sit down, Slug Caterpillar. If you bristle too much your stinging hairs might harm someone in court. Speak to me, Io.
IO MOTH
But I wasn’t going to cocoon and pupate in public. It was selfishness, your Honor. I wanted some fun food and a little excitement before cocooning. I was trying to get to that new joint that everyone is talking about — The Lepidoptera Lounge.
JUDGE
The Lepidoptera Lounge? Hey! I hear that place really swings. Great greens, too.
CATERPILLAR COP
Your Honor, she’s playing on the sympathy of the court.
JUDGE
Now, Caterpillar Cop, you know as well as I do that Io Moths don’t feed once they’ve finished pupation and become adults.
CATERPILLAR COP
Yes, your Honor, but really —
IO MOTH
Your Honor, I know what I did was wrong and foolish. And after eating the stale leaves in the jailhouse and molting in a cold cell, I’m ready to return to the warmth and safety of the silk factory to begin cocooning.
JUDGE
Very well. No sense in keeping a larva from pupating for too long. Especially one with spines. Spider bailiffs? Carefully escort the prisoner back to where she belongs. And don’t make her nervous. We don’t need another molt to clean up after.
SFX: gavel sounds twice
JUDGE
Next case.
SFX: transition music
SLUG
Well, it’s a good thing the judge listened to her.
CATERPILLAR COP
And why is that?
SLUG
Because now I’ll be able to collect on my fee.
CATERPILLAR COP
And this from a caterpillar with no prolegs. Listen, Slug Caterpillar, how do you expect to get to the factory in time to collect anything? She’s due to cocoon at any moment and you move like a slug.
SLUG
Her silken cocoon is my fee. When she’s done pupating and sheds it, it’ll be mine to add to my collection of Giant Silkworm Moth cocoons. So you see, I’m in no hurry.
CATERPILLAR COP
That’s why they call you Slug.
SFX: theme music motive
CATERPILLAR COP
When the larvae get loathsome and unlawful, who ya gonna call?
EVERYONE (Slug comes in a little slower)
Caterpillar Cop!
SFX: last note of Caterpillar Cop theme
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