Measuring Dinosaurs

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Cast In Order Of Appearance:

Interviewer
Professor

SFX: opening theme

INTERVIEWER

So, Professor Tally, I understand you’ve been measuring dinosaurs for a long time now.

PROFESSOR

Yes, quite some time.

INTERVIEWER

What problems did you initially foresee?

PROFESSOR

Well, my main concern was keeping them still. It’s hard to measure something when it’s moving.

INTERVIEWER

But aren’t dinosaurs extinct?

PROFESSOR

Quite. So that made my theory even more understandable.

INTERVIEWER

What theory is that?

PROFESSOR

Dead things do not move around very much.

INTERVIEWER

I see. What are the average sizes of dinosaurs?

PROFESSOR

Oh, they come in economy, small, medium, large, really large and really really large.

INTERVIEWER

Those don’t sound like very accurate measurements.

PROFESSOR

Well, it’s hard to be accurate when you can’t see the end of the tape measure, now isn’t it? By the time the tape has reached the other end of most dinosaurs it’s really hard to see. So I sort of... wing it.

INTERVIEWER

Why don’t you lay the tape down and walk to the other end and read it that way?

PROFESSOR

I had thought of that, but I think it would be a bit dangerous, don’t you?

INTERVIEWER

I don’t understand.

PROFESSOR

Well, I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t want to stand next to the rear end of a dinosaur. You never know what it might... smell like.

INTERVIEWER

But they’re extinct. They -

PROFESSOR

Precisely my point. And what made them extinct?

INTERVIEWER

Excuse me?

PROFESSOR

It could have been something they ate, now couldn’t it?

SFX: closing theme

INTERVIEWER

Yes, well, thank you. This has been a most interesting interview. This is Minka Mook for the CCC - Continuous Caveman Coverage.

©1997-2007 Lishka DeVoss/Kranky Kids®

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