Cave Nutritionist

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Cast In Order Of Appearance:

Interviewer
Nutritionist

SFX: opening theme

INTERVIEWER

Today we are talking to Spook Thump, a nutritionist for many of the area caves. Just how do you go about determining what we can eat?

NUTRITIONIST

I usually go up a tree or hang over a ledge and then drop the potential food on someone else’s head.

INTERVIEWER

You mean you hit things that you think are food on someone else’s head?

NUTRITIONIST

Of course, silly. How else can I be objective?

INTERVIEWER

I see. Yes, that does make sense, I suppose. What other methods do you use?

NUTRITIONIST

Well, many times I blow real hard on something to see if it will move, or fly away.

INTERVIEWER

Fly like a bird?

NUTRITIONIST

No, silly, like a spore or a seed because the next test is smelling. I don’t want to sniff something and have part of it go flying up my nose, you know.

INTERVIEWER

Yes, yes, perfectly understandable. When do you actually get around to eating it?

NUTRITIONIST

First I feed the so-called food to the Giant Armadillo.

INTERVIEWER

The Giant Armadillo?

NUTRITIONIST

Yes, the Giant Armadillo that I keep in my cave. He’s very good at eating things and then vomiting. That way I can check if the food digests well or not. You see, in the beginning of my career, I discovered many things that I thought we should be able to eat, but we can’t.

INTERVIEWER

Like what?

NUTRITIONIST

Well, like rocks, for instance. It didn’t matter if I stewed them, baked them, boiled them or marinated them before grilling - the Giant Armadillo threw them all up and not one rock was ever digested.

INTERVIEWER

How could you be sure?

NUTRITIONIST

Because not all the rocks came out of just one end of the Giant Armadillo.

INTERVIEWER

I see. Oh...OH! Anyway, what has been the most surprising discovery you’ve ever made?

NUTRITIONIST

Nuts.

INTERVIEWER

Excuse me? Nuts? What are nuts?

NUTRITIONIST

Nuts look and feel like little rocks but they have stuff inside that’s very tasty. Two weeks ago, a chef from the Nether Cave found some under a tree. Inside the cave he started throwing them against the cavewall for fun. Some of them broke open and some of them stuck. We call them ‘walnuts’.

SFX: closing theme

INTERVIEWER

That is fascinating. Thank you. This is Pookah Too for the CCC - Continuous Caveman Coverage.

©1997-2007 Lishka DeVoss/Kranky Kids®

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