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DRAMA: Radio Afters

The Literal Family: Chapter 3

We took everything literally, just like this family.

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Cast In Order Of Appearance:

Narrator
Ma
Pa
Gerund
Sissy
Everyone

NARRATOR

And now for a day in the life of the Literal Family with Ma and Pa Idiom and the twins – Sissy and Gerund.

SFX: Literal Family opening theme

GERUND

Give me some money.

SISSY

No!

GERUND

Ma!

MA

What?

GERUND

Sissy won't give me some money.

MA

Now, Gerund, you know you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

GERUND

Oh, all right, here's ten dollars. Now you give me ten dollars.

SISSY

Okay.

MA

Anyway, I don't know why you two children are fussin' so much. You know money is the root of all evil.

GERUND

That's okay, Ma. We promise not to bury it.

SISSY

Look! Ma's a runnin' around like a crazy person.

MA

I got a bee in my bonnet. Fetch me a stick.

PA

That wouldn't keep happenin', Ma, if you didn't keep puttin' a feather in your cap.

MA

Oh, Pa. Don't get your undies in a bundle.

PA

Well, I wouldn't if you used more starch.

MA

There's no need to use starch. After I wash 'em they're as fresh as a daisy.

PA

No wonder they feel so funny.

SFX: crashing sound

GERUND

Ow! Ow! Ma!

MA

Now what's the trouble?

GERUND

Sissy's actin' stupid.

SISSY

I'm not actin'!

MA

Well then, that solves it, Gerund.

GERUND

Oh, all right.

SISSY

Ya see? It's a rule of thumb.

GERUND

Who's thumb?

SISSY

I don't know. Some important person, I guess.

MA

Pa? Can you cut me some slack?

PA

Sure can, Ma! Just step aside so'z I can get a good aim.

MA

Well, hurry up, honey. He who hesitates is lost.

PA

I know where I am, Ma. Just move over an inch or two.

GERUND

C'mon, Sissy. Pick up the pace.

SISSY

I will. Where'd you last put it?

GERUND

In the closet.

SFX: Literal Family opening theme

MA

Oh, Pa. Isn't it wonderful? Tomorrow we can hitch our wagon to a star.

PA

Really? NASA called back and gave us permission? We applied ages ago.

MA

Yes, honey. It's better late than never.

SFX: Literal Family closing theme

©2000-2014 Lishka DeVoss/Kranky Kids®

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