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DRAMA: Radio Afters

The Literal Family: Chapter 1

We took everything literally, just like this family.

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Cast In Order Of Appearance:

Narrator
Sissy
Gerund
Ma
Pa

NARRATOR

And now for a day in the life of the Literal Family with Ma and Pa Idiom and the twins – Sissy and Gerund.

SFX: Literal Family opening theme

SISSY

Ma, she's rubbing me the wrong way!

GERUND

You said if I scratched your back, you'd scratch mine.

SISSY

Ma! Now she's pulling my leg!

MA

Both of you stop that. Now, one of you go tell your Pa that the early bird caught the worm.

GERUND

But then he'll be outside all day looking for it.

SFX: crash

MA

What was that?

SISSY

Nothing, Ma. I just dropped the ball. Hey, who let the cat out of the bag?

SFX: cat cries

MA

Don't worry about the cat, she'll just go out on a limb.

SFX: crash

MA

Now what's going on?

GERUND

The curtain fell. We need a new rod.

MA

I guess you're right. Better safe than sorry.

SISSY

Ma, do we have time to race around the clock?

MA

No, you'll be late for school.

SFX: knocking

MA

See who's at the door.

SISSY

It's Pa.

GERUND

Yeah, he's got the cart before the horse again.

SISSY

Whatcha got in the cart, Pa?

PA

A lock, stock and barrel, Sissy.

GERUND

Oh, well I think I'll go sit on the fence.

PA

Watch out for that wolf in sheep's clothing.

GERUND

That's our dog, Pa.

SISSY

You know you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

PA

So who taught him to wear that sheepskin in the first place?

MA

Gerund! Sissy! Grab the apples!

SFX: ow! sound

GERUND

Ma's right, Sissy. An apple a day does keep the doctor away.

SFX: crash

SISSY

Oh boo-hoo-hoo.

GERUND

Oh, Sissy, don't cry over spilt milk.

SISSY

But I was a gonna make some ice cream tonight with it.

GERUND

That's okay. The show must go on.

Sissy

The show! I forgot all about it!

SFX: Literal Family closing theme

MA

Ah, look, Pa, at those little happy campers together in our yard.

PA

Yeah, well, tell the girls to stay away from 'em – they might have fleas.

©2000-2014 Lishka DeVoss/Kranky Kids®

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