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Measuring Dinosaurs

A reporter from the CCC – which provides Continuous Caveman Coverage – interviews a professor who measures dinosaurs.

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Cast In Order Of Appearance:

Interviewer
Professor Tally

SFX: opening theme

INTERVIEWER

So, Professor Tally, I understand you’ve been measuring dinosaurs for a long time now.

PROFESSOR TALLY

Yes, quite some time.

INTERVIEWER

What problems did you initially foresee?

PROFESSOR TALLY

Well, my main concern was keeping them still. It’s hard to measure something when it’s moving.

INTERVIEWER

But aren’t dinosaurs extinct?

PROFESSOR TALLY

Quite. So that made my theory even more understandable.

INTERVIEWER

What theory is that?

PROFESSOR TALLY

Dead things do not move around very much.

INTERVIEWER

I see. What are the average sizes of dinosaurs?

PROFESSOR TALLY

Oh, they come in economy, small, medium, large, really large and really really large.

INTERVIEWER

Those don’t sound like very accurate measurements.

PROFESSOR TALLY

Well, it’s hard to be accurate when you can’t see the end of the tape measure, now isn’t it? By the time the tape has reached the other end of most dinosaurs it’s really hard to see. So I sort of... wing it.

INTERVIEWER

Why don’t you lay the tape down and walk to the other end and read it that way?

PROFESSOR TALLY

I had thought of that, but I think it would be a bit dangerous, don’t you?

INTERVIEWER

I don’t understand.

PROFESSOR TALLY

Well, I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t want to stand next to the rear end of a dinosaur. You never know what it might... smell like.

INTERVIEWER

But they’re extinct. They –

PROFESSOR TALLY

Precisely my point. And what made them extinct?

INTERVIEWER

Excuse me?

PROFESSOR TALLY

It could have been something they ate, now couldn’t it?

SFX: closing theme

INTERVIEWER

Yes, well, thank you. This has been a most interesting interview. This is Minka Mook for the CCC - Continuous Caveman Coverage.

©1997-2014 Lishka DeVoss/Kranky Kids®

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