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DRAMA: Ptime Flies Like A Pterodactyl

Cave Ornithologist

A reporter from the CCC – which provides Continuous Caveman Coverage – interviews an ornithologist.

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Cast In Order Of Appearance:

Interviewer
Ornithologist

INTERVIEWER

Today we are talking with Cave Clan’s resident ornithologist. What got you so interested in studying birds?

ORNITHOLOGIST

Fear.

INTERVIEWER

You’re afraid of them?

ORNITHOLOGIST

Oh yes, very much so. Razor sharp beaks to peck your eyes out, claws that can rip you to shreds. One can never be too wary of our feathered friends.

INTERVIEWER

But don’t you have to get close to any bird you’re studying?

ORNITHOLOGIST

Absolutely. However, I’ve discovered a guaranteed method of scaring them off if they look like they’re going to attack. It’s the call of the Ancient Trogon. Would you like me to demonstrate?

INTERVIEWER

Please do.

SFX: bird screech

ORNITHOLOGIST

Would you like me to do it again?

INTERVIEWER

Please don't! That was awful! How did you discover this call?

ORNITHOLOGIST

Ah, now that’s an excellent question. One day, I was following a flock of fancy flamingos on their daily trot through the bogs. When all of a sudden I heard this cry and WHOOSH! Up went the flamingos and every other bird in the bog. It was a madhouse. And all that was left was this tiny little puff of a creature, no bigger than my palm.

INTERVIEWER

And that was a Trogon?

ORNITHOLOGIST

Absolutely. I believe they are a direct descendent of the Giant Pterodactyl. But I’ve never been able to catch one, you see.

INTERVIEWER

Because they’re so fast?

ORNITHOLOGIST

Oh no, no, no, no! Because I’d probably go deaf in the process. They’re so LOUD!

SFX: bird screech

INTERVIEWER

Hey, hey, I get your point!

ORNITHOLOGIST

Sorry about that. I get a little carried away sometimes.

INTERVIEWER

Well, what are your favorite birds to study?

ORNITHOLOGIST

Uh, that would have to be the grebes and barbets. Oh, and let us not forget the Hooded Pitahui*. It’s poisonous, you know.

INTERVIEWER

Really?

ORNITHOLOGIST

Yes, yes, very poisonous. Just gave one to a friend the other day. We had a little fight, you see. So I thought I’d make amends with the gift of a Hooded Pitahui.

INTERVIEWER

And did your friend like it?

ORNITHOLOGIST

Yes, very much so. Right up until he began to stiffen and lose consciousness. Terribly sad. Terribly.

INTERVIEWER

So sorry to hear. This is King Fisher for the CCC – Continuous Caveman Coverage.

©1997-2014 Lishka DeVoss/Kranky Kids®

* NOTE: There really is a bird named the Hooded Pitahui. I kid you not.
* NOTE: grebes (pronounced greebs) - various swimming and diving birds
* NOTE: barbets (pronounced bahr-bihts) - various brightly colored tropical birds related to the toucan

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