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DRAMA: Investigative Retorts

Forks

This on-line script matches what you hear in the audio – a great way to learn English and to learn how to read.

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Cast In Order Of Appearance:

Reporter
Signora
Signor

SFX: opening Investigative Retorts theme

REPORTER

Good evening. It’s the year 1005 and we are in Venice, Italy at the home of the Mortadellas. Tell us, please, Signor and Signora Mortadella, what has been transpiring as of late?

SIGNORA

I can’t believe she’s doing this! She’s not using her hands! She’s not using her fingers!

SIGNOR

It’s a phase, dear. Calm down.

SIGNORA

A phase. A phase! How can you say that? She embarrasses us wherever we go.

SIGNOR

Well, where did she get that thing?

SIGNORA

I don’t know. Ask your son.

SIGNOR

Him? Why?

SIGNORA

Oh, I don’t know. He’s married to her, isn’t he? He did bring her all the way back from Constantinople. Just because it’s the capital of the Byzantine Empire doesn’t mean she has to bring their strange customs here.

SIGNOR

It’s a phase, dear.

SIGNORA

Well, it’s not easy to watch her eat that way while you’re trying to enjoy your own meal, let me tell you.

REPORTER

Ladies and gentlemen, you’ve heard it here first on Investigative Retorts. The people of Venice are appalled at the public use of a golden instrument with two prongs for eating food. Someone has invented the fork.

SFX: closing Investigative Retorts theme

(Byzantine - pronounced BIH-zahn-teen)

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