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DRAMA: The Classics

Gone With The Wind in 7 Minutes

Yes! We condensed the entire movie down to seven minutes (minus a few seconds of music we tacked onto our version). All the famous lines are included AND both radio and theater audiences agree - we did it!

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Cast In Order Of Appearance:

Narrator
Charles
Scarlett
Everyone
Rhett
Sue Ellen
Ashley
Melanie

SFX: Oh Susanna

NARRATOR

Scarlett O'Hara lives in the south on a plantation named Tara.

CHARLES

Oh Scarlett, you're beautiful! But we might have to go to war.

SCARLETT

Fiddle dee dee, there's gonna be no war. I'll think about it tomorrow.

EVERYONE

Let's BBQ!

SFX: hum of voices/party crowd

SCARLETT

Ashley loves me.

EVERYONE

No, Ashley loves Melanie.

SUE ELLEN

Did you hear that Rhett Butler ruined a girl by taking her on an
unchaperoned buggy ride and then refused to marry her?

SCARLETT

Who cares about Rhett. I love you Ashley.

ASHLEY

Oh, Scarlett, you don't know what you're talking about.

NARRATOR

Scarlett slaps Ashley.

SFX: slap

EVERYONE

One slap!

SCARLETT

I will hate you ‘til I die!

CHARLES

The Civil War has started!

SFX: explosion
SFX: drum roll as a march

ASHLEY

Melanie and I are getting married, Scarlett.

SCARLETT

What? Oh Charles, brother of Ashley, marry me before you go to war. I wanna make Ashley mad.

CHARLES

Okay. But I'm off to war, too.

SFX: taps

NARRATOR

Ashley's brother dies a hero's death of measles and pneumonia.

SCARLETT

Darn, I hate grieving. I'll go to Atlanta, fun city of the south!

SFX: waltz music

SCARLETT

Why Rhett Butler! How nice to see you. Let's dance, Rhett!

RHETT

Okay.

SCARLETT

Darn! Everyone Confederate seems to be dying.

NARRATOR

Ashley's on leave in Atlanta.

SCARLETT

Darn! There's a lot of sick and wounded around Atlanta. I still love you, Ashley.

ASHLEY

That's nice, but Melanie and I are a little busy right now.

NARRATOR

Ashley leaves Atlanta.

EVERYONE

Atlanta's being bombed and attacked!

SFX: bomb
SFX: horse walking
SFX: fire

SCARLETT

That's okay, me and Rhett, we'll take a calm buggy ride while it's happenin'. Oh Rhett, I wish I could leave Atlanta but Melanie needs help having her baby.

NARRATOR

35 days later. . .

SCARLETT

Melanie's in labor and Prissy, the slave, knows nothing 'bout birthin' babies.

NARRATOR

Scarlett slaps Prissy.

SFX: slap

EVERYONE

Two slaps!

SCARLETT

Fiddle dee dee, you can't die, Melanie. Especially now that I've got twine, scissors, clean towels and hot water. You push that baby out, Melanie.

SFX: screaming woman
SFX: baby crying

NARRATOR

Rhett Butler arrives.

SFX: fire

RHETT

Time to leave Atlanta, girls. This town's a burnin' down and I'm in my best white suit.

NARRATOR

They head for Tara.

SCARLETT

You're leaving me before we reach Tara?

RHETT

Yes, I am. There's nothin' like a good fire to make a man want to join an army, especially when it's losing. I love you, Scarlett. Kiss me.

SCARLETT

Okay.

SFX: kiss

NARRATOR

Scarlett slaps Rhett.

SFX: slap

EVERYONE

Three slaps!

SCARLETT

Thank god I'm home.

NARRATOR

Her Mom's dead and her Pa is crazy. There's no food, everything's in ruins and the slaves don't know how to milk the cow she found.

SFX: cow mooing

SCARLETT

As god is my witness, I'll never be hungry again. Especially if I have to eat another one of these stupid radishes.

SFX: eating a radish

SUE ELLEN

Oh, sister Scarlett, I hate working and I hate Tara!

NARRATOR

Scarlett slaps Sue Ellen.

SFX: slap

EVERYONE

Four slaps!

NARRATOR

Everyone works like farm hands. A Yankee soldier shows up lookin' to rob and rape. Scarlett shoots him in the face.

SFX: flintlock pistol

NARRATOR

Just then, Melanie wanders down the stairs.

MELANIE

Thank goodness you killed him. Here, use my nightie so the floor won't get all bloody.

EVERYONE

The war is over! Hooray!

NARRATOR

The men come home broken and hungry. Ashley comes home too!

ASHLEY

Bad news, Scarlett. The taxes are raised on Tara.

NARRATOR

Ashley's depressed. He kisses Scarlett but he won't leave Melanie.

ASHLEY

You love Tara best, Scarlett.

SCARLETT

I know. Look! Two minor characters are here trying to steal Tara from me because of the taxes due.

NARRATOR

Pa chases the minor characters away -

SFX: horse galloping by

NARRATOR

- falls off his horse -

SFX: falling on ground

NARRATOR

- and dies.

SCARLETT

Darn! Well, I better make a dress from these window drapes and go find Rhett. He'll have money.

NARRATOR

Rhett is in jail.

SCARLETT

Can I have 300 dollars, Rhett? I'll be nice.

RHETT

No.

SCARLETT

Darn! Now I'll have to trick Mr. Kennedy, my sister Sue Ellen's beau, into marrying me so I can save Tara from the tax man.

SUE ELLEN

Hey! Can she do that?

EVERYONE

You bet!

NARRATOR

Melanie makes Ashley join Scarlett in the lumber business.

SCARLETT

Great Balls of Fire! I've got me a lumber yard and a store! I'm rich!

SFX: cash register

NARRATOR

Rhett returns and he's even richer.

RHETT

I've always got money in this story.

NARRATOR

Scarlett gets attacked in Shantytown and is saved by her ex-slave. Her husband and Ashley go to avenge her attack. Yankee soldiers try to catch them for taking the law into their own hands.

SFX: troops marching

SCARLETT

Darn! Yankee troops are in my house.

RHETT

Not to worry, Mr. Soldier, sir. We've just been drinkin' and foolin' around. There's no lynch mob here.

SCARLETT

Bye bye, Yankees.

SFX: door closing

NARRATOR

But Ashley is actually wounded.

SCARLETT

Oh no!

NARRATOR

And Kennedy, Scarlett's husband, is dead.

SCARLETT

Oh well.

SFX: church bell tolling

NARRATOR

Scarlett gets soused on brandy.

SCARLETT

I (hic) hate grieving.

NARRATOR

Rhett arrives.

RHETT

Marry me, Scarlett.

SCARLETT

Okay.

NARRATOR

They honeymoon in New Orleans.

SFX: bottle uncorked

NARRATOR

They're rich, but Scarlett has nightmares from eating too much pastry.

SFX: sick sound cough

SCARLETT

Will I ever be safe?

NARRATOR

They go home to Tara and have a baby girl. Rhett names her Bonnie Blue Butler.

SCARLETT

Great Balls of Fire! My waist is getting big. I ain't havin' any more babies!

RHETT

I'm gettin' mad!

NARRATOR

Ashley and Scarlett give each other an innocent hug and are caught.

RHETT

Now, I'm really gettin' mad!

NARRATOR

Rhett gets drunk, tells Scarlett off, one thing leads to another and the next morning she wakes up with a big grin on her face.

SFX: sighing woman

RHETT

Scarlett, I want a divorce.

SCARLETT

You can't leave me, Rhett!

RHETT

Wanna bet?

NARRATOR

Rhett takes little Bonnie to London with him.

SFX: ship's horn

NARRATOR

Little Bonnie is afraid of the dark. She wants to go home to her mommy and pony. Rhett and Bonnie return to Atlanta.

SCARLETT

Well, look who's here. I'm gonna have another baby and I don't like it.

RHETT

Fine. Then I'm leaving again.

NARRATOR

Scarlett tries to slap -

EVERYONE

Five slaps!

NARRATOR

Hey! I said she tries to slap Rhett. But she falls down the stairs instead.

SFX: falling down stairs

RHETT

Darn, I hate it when she does that. Melanie! What are you doing here?

MELANIE

I've decided to have another baby even though it might kill me. By the way, Scarlett loves you, you ninny.

NARRATOR

Scarlett survives her tumble but loses her baby. Then Little Bonnie falls off her pony, breaks her neck and dies.

SFX: horse whinny

NARRATOR

Rhett shoots the horse.

SFX: flintlock rifle shot

SCARLETT

This is your fault.

RHETT

No, it's your fault.

SFX: fight sounds

NARRATOR

Melanie comes to break up the fight and collapses.

MELANIE

Oh Scarlett, look after Ashley and my son, will you? Oh yeah, and Rhett loves you, you ninny.

SCARLETT

Melanie's dying. Poor Ashley.

NARRATOR

Rhett hears this and leaves.

SFX: door closing

SCARLETT

Wait a minute. I don't love Ashley. I love Rhett!

NARRATOR

Melanie dies and Scarlett runs to find Rhett.

RHETT

Goodbye, Scarlett.

SCARLETT

But I love you, Rhett. I've been so stupid.

RHETT

Stupid is as stupid does.

SCARLETT

Huh?

RHETT

Sorry. Wrong movie. Your sorries are meaningless, Scarlett.

SCARLETT

Where shall I go? What shall I do?

RHETT

Frankly my dear, I don't give a hot potato.

SCARLETT

Okay, well, I'll think about it tomorrow, then. Thanks for stopping by.

NARRATOR

Scarlett realizes that land is the only thing that matters or lasts. So she goes home to Tara. After all, tomorrow is another day.

SFX: rooster crowing
SFX: Oh Susanna

©1997-2014 Lishka DeVoss/Kranky Kids®

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