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DRAMA: Caterpillar Cop

A Zebra Is Missing

Wait! A Zebra Swallowtail Caterpillar is being lured away by some very suspicious characters and they're offering her pawpaw. What can Caterpillar Cop do about this?

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Cast In Order Of Appearance:

Narrator
Black

(Black Swallowtail Butterfly - larva feeds on carrots, parsley and related plants)
Zebra
(Zebra Swallowtail Butterfly - larva feeds on pawpaw)
Spice
(Spicebush Swallowtail Butterfly - larva feeds on spicebush and sassafras)
Tiger
(Tiger Swallowtail Butterfly - larva feeds on various trees)
Caterpillar Cop
Everyone
Sidekick
Judge
Slug

NARRATOR

Caterpillar Cop, Chapter Two, A Zebra Is Missing.

BLACK

Come! Come and eat with us.

ZEBRA

No, no, I can't. It isn't the right food.

SPICE

Please. We worry about you.

TIGER

Psst. Hey you! Come over here. I've got something you might like.

ZEBRA

Are you sure? I mean, I can't even find it locally - HEY!

BLACK

Oh my gosh! Where did that Zebra Swallowtail Caterpillar go? Where, oh, where is the Zebra?

SFX: transition music

CATERPILLAR COP

When the larvae get loathsome and unlawful, who ya gonna call?

EVERYONE

Caterpillar Cop!

CATERPILLAR COP

Okay. Now, when was the last time you saw this Zebra Swallowtail Caterpillar?

BLACK

Well, we were all hanging out in front of the Papilionoidea* Pub.

CATERPILLAR COP

And then?

SPICE

Well, our friend was hungry and we were trying to get some food.

CATERPILLAR COP

So what was the problem?

BLACK

It wasn't easy to feed this caterpillar.

CATERPILLAR COP

And why is that?

SPICE

Well, all that was available were some carrots, parsley and various trees.

BLACK

Stuff we like to eat.

CATERPILLAR COP

And?

BLACK

And the only food that would suffice for her was pawpaw.

SFX: transition music

CATERPILLAR COP

Okay. This Caterpillar has been missing since last Tuesday. Any ideas as to what happened?

SIDEKICK

How should I know? She was with some friends and got hungry. The next thing they know, she's gone.

CATERPILLAR COP

Zebra Swallowtail Caterpillars basically eat a diet of pawpaw.

SIDEKICK

Yeah? So?

CATERPILLAR COP

So it's not that easy to find pawpaw at this time of year in New England.

SIDEKICK

You think someone deliberately led her astray with the promise of pawpaw?

CATERPILLAR COP

It's a possibility.

SFX: transition music

TIGER

C'mon, sweetie. I know you want it.

ZEBRA

No, no, I can't eat it like this. Please, please take it away.

TIGER

You'd rather starve?

ZEBRA

I - I -

TIGER

Listen, if you don't eat, you'll never metamorphosize, yeah, that big word, and you know the family expects you to.

ZEBRA

Please don't make me go through with this!

SFX: door slams

CATERPILLAR COP

Stop where you are!

TIGER

Who are you?

CATERPILLAR COP

Caterpillar Cop. I'm taking you in.

TIGER

What's the charge?

CATERPILLAR COP

Masquerading as a Metamorphosis Marauder.

SFX: transition music
SFX: gavel sounds twice

JUDGE

Order in the court. How pleads your client, Slug Caterpillar?

SLUG

Your Honor, my client is innocent of all charges.

JUDGE

So what's the evidence, Caterpillar Cop?

CATERPILLAR COP

Your Honor, we caught this Tiger Swallowtail Butterfly restraining this poor Zebra Swallowtail Caterpillar against her will.

SLUG

Your Honor, my client -

SFX: gavel sounds twice

JUDGE

Sit down, Slug Caterpillar. Tiger, is this true?

TIGER

Yes, your Honor. I was only trying to get her to eat.

CATERPILLAR COP

To eat? Wasn't that how you lured her into your trap? By waving pawpaw in her face?

JUDGE

What is pawpaw?

CATERPILLAR COP

It's a member of the custard apple family, your Honor, and the only member that grows outside the tropics.

SLUG

Your Honor, speaking of family -

JUDGE

Yes, Slug Caterpillar?

SLUG

The Zebra Swallowtail Caterpillar went with my client because they are in the same family. The grandmother is having a birthday soon and they were worried that their cousin here wouldn't be able to make the journey.

JUDGE

Is this true, Zebra?

ZEBRA

Yes, your Honor. I'll need wings to get there in time.

JUDGE

So why won't you metamorphosize?

ZEBRA

I can't help it. I'm a lazy larva and I know it. But I understand now how important it is that I make this change.

JUDGE

Spider Bailiffs? Take this lazy larva back to her family. Case dismissed.

SFX: gavel sounds twice
SFX: transition music

CATERPILLAR COP

Wow. I never saw a caterpillar tear through a pile of pawpaw so fast in my entire life.

SLUG

It's a good thing my clients brought it with them.

CATERPILLAR COP

Did they tell you why she was so reluctant to change?

SLUG

Oh, you know these young'uns. They don't like to miss out on anything. Said she was afraid she'd miss all the latest news in the chat rooms on the Spider Web.

SFX: theme music motive

CATERPILLAR COP

When the larvae get loathsome and unlawful, who ya gonna call?

EVERYONE (Slug comes in a little slower)

Caterpillar Cop!

SFX: bottom note of theme

* Papilionoidea – pronounced pah-PEE-lee-oh-noh-i-DEE-ah

Fact: Butterflies superfamily is Papilionoidea.

©2000-2014 Lishka DeVoss/Kranky Kids®

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