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DRAMA: Caterpillar Cop

The Io Moth Dilemma

Do you know what happens when Io Moth Caterpillars get defensive? They secrete an irritating substance - which means Caterpillar Cop needs to solve this case right away!

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Cast In Order Of Appearance:

Narrator
Loud
Insect
Everyone
Caterpillar Cop
Io Moth
Friend
Slug
Judge

SFX: Caterpillar Cop theme music

NARRATOR

Caterpillar Cop, Chapter One, The Io Moth Dilemma.

LOUD

Attention all insects! Attention all insects! There is an Io Moth Caterpillar on the loose. Attention all insects! An Io Moth Caterpillar is on the loose.

INSECT

Oh no! What can we do? Do you all know what happens when Io Moth Caterpillars get defensive?

EVERYONE

No!

INSECT

They secrete an irritating substance. This is horrible! We need some help!

SFX: transition music

CATERPILLAR COP

It is I, Caterpillar Cop. When the larvae get loathsome and unlawful, who ya gonna call?

EVERYONE

Caterpillar Cop!

CATERPILLAR COP

Right! Now, let’s go find this Io Moth Caterpillar.

SFX: transition music

IO MOTH

Ha, ha, ha. They'll never stop me before cocooning. Now who is this coming towards me with such well-developed thoracic legs?

CATERPILLAR COP

Excuse me, but you look a little lost.

IO MOTH

Oh I’m not lost, honey. I’m lonely.

CATERPILLAR COP

Really. And why is that?

IO MOTH

Because of my sharp spines and my ability to really irritate due to secretions from my glands.

CATERPILLAR COP

Have you ever considered a bath?

IO MOTH

Look, friend, I’ve already molted five times. What more do you want from me?

CATERPILLAR COP

To turn yourself in, of course.

IO MOTH

Why? Who are you?

CATERPILLAR COP

Caterpillar Cop.

IO MOTH

What’s the charge?

CATERPILLAR COP

Pupating in public.

SFX: transition music

IO MOTH

Thank goodness you’ve come.

FRIEND

I’m sorry. I would have been here sooner but the Wood Gnats were having a festival and the traffic was terrible.

IO MOTH

They have me segregated from the other prisoners because they’re afraid I might molt again. And the way I’m feeling, I just might.

FRIEND

Don’t worry. I’ve gotten you a good lawyer. He’s a Slug Caterpillar and you know how they can drag things out during trial if things aren’t going their way. The judges hate that.

IO MOTH

Why?

FRIEND

Usually some of the spider bailiffs start eating each other.

IO MOTH

Can I afford this defense?

FRIEND

Don’t worry. We have a deal. If you lose your case you don’t have to pay anything.

IO MOTH

And if I win?

FRIEND

What I’ve promised is something you won’t be needing anymore.

SFX: transition music

SLUG

Your Honor, this isn’t fair. My client didn’t have one strand of silk coming out of her spinnerets when she was picked up.

SFX: gavel sounds twice

JUDGE

Sit down, sit down. The Io Moth Caterpillar will have her say. I want to hear from Caterpillar Cop first.

CATERPILLAR COP

Thank you, your Honor. This caterpillar was threatening the general welfare of the community by brazenly leaving the silk factory with the intent to pupate in public.

JUDGE

Such activity would draw much attention from the humans and the factory would be in jeopardy of being found. What say you, Io?

SLUG

Your Honor, my client -

JUDGE

Sit down, Slug Caterpillar. If you bristle too much your stinging hairs might harm someone in court. Speak to me, Io.

IO MOTH

But I wasn’t going to cocoon and pupate in public. It was selfishness, your Honor. I wanted some fun food and a little excitement before cocooning. I was trying to get to that new joint that everyone is talking about - The Lepidoptera Lounge.

JUDGE

The Lepidoptera Lounge? Hey! I hear that place really swings. Great greens, too.

CATERPILLAR COP

Your Honor, she’s playing on the sympathy of the court.

JUDGE

Now, Caterpillar Cop, you know as well as I do that Io Moths don’t feed once they’ve finished pupation and become adults.

CATERPILLAR COP

Yes, your Honor, but really -

IO MOTH

Your Honor, I know what I did was wrong and foolish. And after eating the stale leaves in the jailhouse and molting in a cold cell, I’m ready to return to the warmth and safety of the silk factory to begin cocooning.

JUDGE

Very well. No sense in keeping a larva from pupating for too long. Especially one with spines. Spider bailiffs? Carefully escort the prisoner back to where she belongs. And don’t make her nervous. We don’t need another molt to clean up after.

SFX: gavel sounds twice

JUDGE

Next case!

SFX: transition music.

SLUG

Well, it’s a good thing the judge listened to her.

CATERPILLAR COP

And why’s that?

SLUG

Because now I’ll be able to collect on my fee.

CATERPILLAR COP

And this from a caterpillar with no prolegs. Listen, Slug Caterpillar, how do you expect to get to the factory in time to collect anything? She’s due to cocoon at any moment and you move like a slug.

SLUG

Her silken cocoon is my fee. When she’s done pupating and sheds it, it’ll be mine to add to my collection of Giant Silkworm Moth cocoons. So you see, I’m in no hurry.

CATERPILLAR COP

That’s why they call you Slug!

SFX: theme music motive

CATERPILLAR COP

When the larvae get loathsome and unlawful, who ya gonna call?

EVERYONE (Slug comes in a little slower)

Caterpillar Cop!

SFX: last note of Caterpillar Cop theme

©2000-2014 Lishka DeVoss/Kranky Kids®

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